Saturday, October 11, 2008

Mmmmm.... druuuuuugs....

Just an addendum to Robert's little account of our last class, I must say I feel much better about labour and giving birth knowing that the pharmaceutical industry is firmly on my side.

First stage pain? How about some Demerol? No thanks, the last time I was given that I puked like a co-ed on a bender. Morphine? Now that's more like it!

Pain getting worse? Here dear, have some nitrous oxide. Actually, no -- the lovely Win told us that the wonderful stuff you get at the dentist's, otherwise known as laughing gas, isn't really used in the course of labour anymore. Too bad -- I was thinking that it might be fun to run off my favourite Dennis Hopper lines from "Blue Velvet," since I'll probably be swearing up a storm anyway.

Then there's the ultimate: the epidural. A little tube into your spinal area (not the cord per se, but the epidural space nearby) that will completely numb from the waist down. Yes, I'll be bedridden. No, I won't feel the contractions and I'll have to be told when to push. Yes, I'll have to have a catheter inserted so my bladder can be kept emptied. But... no pain! And at the most intense time! I'm positively giddy with anticipation. Remember people, I gotta do all that stuff twice in a row, if indeed we are going to deliver the old-fashioned way, so yes. Please give me drugs. I won't object. Do it as soon as you think it's necessary. Thanks!


  1. of course i can't say that i have experience to give you proper advice but i'm with mr. garrison ...

    drugs are good, mmmkay

  2. Sorry to be a South Park stickler (unless I missed an episode along the way, which is more than likely), it's Mr. Mackey the guidance counsellor that does the mmmkay and he warned us that "drugs are bad, mmmkay?" I have a feeling Mr. Garrison does indeed think drugs are good, tho.

  3. damn i knew it wasn't garrison. crud.

    anyway, i did take liberties with the quote 'cause i always felt they really meant the opposite. lol

    drugs are bad, mmmkay